I know it’s been forever in a day since I’ve posted anything or dumped anything into the feed.  Main reason is, as stated before, I haven’t had anything worthwhile to say, really.  I’m still alive, and I’m still plugging along in my armor, doing voice work for various podcasts and the like, and very slowly, but surely writing my opus.

Well… Now I have something to say, because it something that’s been grating on my nerves for a few months now, ever since I re-subscribed to Star War Galaxies (SWG).  This message is aimed specifically at those who Role-play (RP) Imperial Stormtroopers, and/or those planning to do such in the future.  This series is designed to help, because after all, that’s what I’ve always been here to do, right?  Right.  Think of it as a loving spoonful of bitter medicine stomped directly into your skull with a pair of armored jackboots.  Each post will focus on one particular thing that’s been argued to me, usually by someone I don’t know and more importantly, doesn’t know me.  Bear in mind that I’m paraphrasing a lot of this, because I’m not going to log every stupid statement that’s rammed down my throat via my optic nerve.

That being said, let’s get started, shall we?

Lesson One: You are not Elite

You are not elite.  Period.  Get over yourself and know your fucking role.

This statement comes from the near-constant barrage of idiotic statements I have to field almost every time I log into SWG, with my foolish dreams of RPing a Stormtrooper in the Star Wars universe.  Why is this dream foolish?  The reason this is a fool hardy dream is because despite my sweating my balls off in the actual armor for the past 10 years, I apparently know nothing about Stormtroopers.  No, no…  Only these brilliant scholars of all that is Star Wars (the SWG RP community) know exactly what I should and should not be doing, regardless of my past and vast experience in the very field in question.

1. “Stormtroopers would never check IDs.  They are the Elite branch of the military.”

WRONG.  Stormtroopers absolutely would check IDs…In fact, they DID in the original film, you fuck-tard.  I mean, seriously…Have these people even SEEN the films?  Apparently not, so I’ll be so kind as to detail the scene in question, and even provide a photo lest they be reading this. 

Six Sandtroopers stop a landspeeder belonging to a Luke Skywalker.  There is an old man sitting shotgun and two droids duct taped to the back of the speeder.  The driver is eye-to-junk with the Officer (as in Military Officer, which is what an Orange Pauldron means, btw.) who is asking to see the lad’s ID.  This is called an ID check, kids, and Stormtroopers do this.  I’ve been asked to do this at many, many functions over the years, including Star Wars Celebrations 2 & 3.  Who asked that we Stormtroopers perform ID and Badge checks?  LucasFilm…You know, the company that theoretically knows the saga better than anyone else, so yeah, I figure that Stormtroopers do ID checks.

The problem here is that 45% of the population sees them as the police, and 45% see them as the most Ubber-badass force the galaxy has ever seen, and then there’s 10% who think they’re the Marine Corps, which is not only ridiculous and inaccurate, but is an insult to the actual United States Marine Corps.  Removing the final 10%, because the very idea makes my brain hurt, let’s focus on the other 90%, shall we?

SWG’s timeline is somewhere between Battle of Yavin and immediately after the Battle the Hoth, and, depending on the quest/mission you get, fluxes back and forth between the two events.  The galaxy is in the middle of a civil war.  The Empire is winning the fight at this stage in the game and they have Garrisons and bases on nearly every planet.  Every planet has Destroyers in orbit which can be seen at night.  The galaxy is pretty much under martial law.  What’s that mean?  That means that the Troops are performing any and all tasks that aid in the enforcement of Order throughout the Galaxy.  This includes, but is certainly not limited to, roadblocks and random ID checks. 

For those of you who still insist that Stormtroopers are U.S. Marines, I suggest you watch the Military Channel more often, especially when they are running a documentary on the war in Iraq.  I guarantee that eventually, you’re going to either see or hear about how these brave Marines go door to door doing ID checks and the like, as well as man roadblocks ‘over there’.  It’s part of the job and while it’s not John Wayne’s Green Berets, it’s sure as shit an important and vital role the Marines play in the war.  Martial Law and occupying forces, kiddies.

Bonus Points #1 – Point out the police force in the Original three Star Wars films…that wasn’t immediately emasculated by an Imperial Stormtrooper Garrison…seriously.  Go ahead.

Now, on to the second part of this silly claim, that the Stormtroopers are all Elite.  Simply not true.  The average Stormtrooper is just that.  Average.  Exactly what’s inside the armor is still up in the air, because I have yet to hear a definite end answer to the question, “Clones or not?”  Whatever the case, the man (yes, ladies…no offense, but they’re MEN inside the kits.  No women troopers that I’ve ever seen in any of the films.) behind the bucket is no more special than any other soldier in the military.  Yes, the Stormtroopers are their own beast separate from the Imperial Navy and Army, but at the end of the day they ARE the Empire’s infantry.  Navy flies ships.  Army drives ground vehicles.  Stormtroopers are the foot soldiers.  It’s just that simple.

Bonus Points #2 – Point out the Imperial Army infantry in the Star Wars films.  Stormtroopers do not count.

You want to see an Elite Stormtrooper?  Here you go:

THAT is an elite stormtrooper, chosen from the ranks of the regular Stormtroopers, and if you want your guild to be seen as elite, then put on the crimson muumuu; but remember,  all you’re going to do is stand around at the Emperor’s retreat on Naboo…Guarding the Emperor….And likely doing ID checks so he doesn’t get stabbed in the dick with a shiv.  At least, you would be …

…If you knew your role.

Next time – “Stormtroopers wouldn’t carry a T-21 into the Mos Eisley cantina”

...Comment [6]