Everyone is the SW gaming/fan community is drooling like a Bantha in heat over the upcoming title “Star Wars: The Force Unleashed“.  I can say this much for it.  It’s quite pretty, and the technical advances that have been made in AI and Eviroment Interaction are very, very impressive and worthy of much accolade.   That’s where my level of praise ends.

Here’s what we know.  You play a “Secret Apprentice” of Darth Vader during the time between Episode’s III & IV, and it’s your job to help him hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights.  I know what you’re thinking.  “WIN, fekkin’ WIN!”.  Yeah, that premise would be absolutely perfect, and FAR past due, but somehow in every single piece of video and artwork I’ve seen thus far you’re killing Stormtroopers.  WAVES of them.

Let me get this straight.  You’re an apprentice to Lord Vader, MY BOSS, and you’re running amok not killing Rebels or Jedi wholesale, but Stormtroopers, TIE Fighters, and pretty much every other Imperial unit that shares screen time with you??  I don’t mean to nitpick, but apparently, someone needs to point out something to these people.  Darth Vader works for the Empire, you ignorant simps.  This bothers me for obivous reasons, sure, but I don’t think I’m going out a limb here to ask why we’re not seeing this pretty boy whacking JEDI.  I mean, that’s the whole point of the story, I thought?

More likely, this is a classic case of bait and switch.  Promise the masses a game where you finally get to do what’s right (whack Jedi) for the right team (the Empire) only to find out after you’ve dumped your hard earned credits on this little gem, that you’ve been duped into actually playing the role of a Jedi. 

I’m going to take a shot in the dark and predict that at the end of this story you’ll have not only have killed googles of troopers, but that you’ll end being just another dupe that joins the Rebellion, “after seeing how big and bad the Empire really is”.  Note the date that I state this, kids, and mark my words.

It’s also just another vien for the Jedi-philes to get off pretending they can lift up or drag down rocks, people, and….wait for it…… Star Destroyers???  I know that “size matters not”, but come ON!  That just sent this entire project from the realm of the silly, to the completely ludicrous and asinine.  You’ll note that the ISD is brought down right in the middle of Coruscant, killing thousands, if not tens of thousands.  Well now we can all just blame it on the Empire!!  That’s who this guy works for, right?  Freakin’ typical.  Look, if you want to be all “Luke Skywalker meets Neo meets GOD” and bring down captial ships without having to get up off your lazy asses, then have the testicular fortitude to do it as a JEDI.  You want to be “evil” and live out your fantasies, but you don’t want to get your hands dirty from whaling on the rebel scum?  Tough crap.

This game only proves that if you want REAL power, as well as hot blondes to drive you around, then you join the Empire.  The Rebellion doesn’t have what it takes to get the job done, apparently.

…and I don’t mean power.  I mean BALLS.

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