Meesas to Pieces…. Still laughing over that.

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Emperor Todd Spengo beats the crap out of no talent hack, Andy Dick.

Good for you Emperor Spengo!  That moron has been needing a beating for years now, and I’m glad you were the one to pummel him.  Saves me the effort of finding him myself.

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Just needed to be said.

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Sony has, in recent years, developed a bad habit of serverly botching everything they touch in the gaming world.  The PS2 was a very buggy machine, just ask anyone who owned one.  The PSP had it’s share of dead pixel problems during it’s launch.  The PS3 is vastly overpriced, and don’t even get me started on how this company managed to turn a no-brainer cash cow like Star Wars Galaxies into something people seem to run screaming from.

Thier latest foray into the Star Wars galaxy is Battlefront: Renegade Squadron, due out in October 2007.  My intial reaction to this game is “meh.”  The graphics are so-so, plus the single player storyline is from the Rebel’s side.  You’re part of Han Solo’s special team…  So, if Drug Smuggling is your thing, have at.

Of note is that this game will not only available for purchase on it’s own, but as part of a “Star Wars Special Edition” pack.  The pack comes with the special edition PSP console decorated with the Man in Black on the back of it, which is pretty cool.

Just proves what I said before.  If you want to sell something, you put the Empire on it, and not the Rebellion.

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Everyone is the SW gaming/fan community is drooling like a Bantha in heat over the upcoming title “Star Wars: The Force Unleashed“.  I can say this much for it.  It’s quite pretty, and the technical advances that have been made in AI and Eviroment Interaction are very, very impressive and worthy of much accolade.   That’s where my level of praise ends.

Here’s what we know.  You play a “Secret Apprentice” of Darth Vader during the time between Episode’s III & IV, and it’s your job to help him hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights.  I know what you’re thinking.  “WIN, fekkin’ WIN!”.  Yeah, that premise would be absolutely perfect, and FAR past due, but somehow in every single piece of video and artwork I’ve seen thus far you’re killing Stormtroopers.  WAVES of them.

Let me get this straight.  You’re an apprentice to Lord Vader, MY BOSS, and you’re running amok not killing Rebels or Jedi wholesale, but Stormtroopers, TIE Fighters, and pretty much every other Imperial unit that shares screen time with you??  I don’t mean to nitpick, but apparently, someone needs to point out something to these people.  Darth Vader works for the Empire, you ignorant simps.  This bothers me for obivous reasons, sure, but I don’t think I’m going out a limb here to ask why we’re not seeing this pretty boy whacking JEDI.  I mean, that’s the whole point of the story, I thought?

More likely, this is a classic case of bait and switch.  Promise the masses a game where you finally get to do what’s right (whack Jedi) for the right team (the Empire) only to find out after you’ve dumped your hard earned credits on this little gem, that you’ve been duped into actually playing the role of a Jedi. 

I’m going to take a shot in the dark and predict that at the end of this story you’ll have not only have killed googles of troopers, but that you’ll end being just another dupe that joins the Rebellion, “after seeing how big and bad the Empire really is”.  Note the date that I state this, kids, and mark my words.

It’s also just another vien for the Jedi-philes to get off pretending they can lift up or drag down rocks, people, and….wait for it…… Star Destroyers???  I know that “size matters not”, but come ON!  That just sent this entire project from the realm of the silly, to the completely ludicrous and asinine.  You’ll note that the ISD is brought down right in the middle of Coruscant, killing thousands, if not tens of thousands.  Well now we can all just blame it on the Empire!!  That’s who this guy works for, right?  Freakin’ typical.  Look, if you want to be all “Luke Skywalker meets Neo meets GOD” and bring down captial ships without having to get up off your lazy asses, then have the testicular fortitude to do it as a JEDI.  You want to be “evil” and live out your fantasies, but you don’t want to get your hands dirty from whaling on the rebel scum?  Tough crap.

This game only proves that if you want REAL power, as well as hot blondes to drive you around, then you join the Empire.  The Rebellion doesn’t have what it takes to get the job done, apparently.

…and I don’t mean power.  I mean BALLS.

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 Luke Pannell, an indistrial design and technology student at Brunel University in the U.K. has put his lungs where his mouth is and has designed the gem you see to the left.  Many people across the holonet are calling it a “Stormtrooper Bike Helmet” (which, I did as well in the headline, so you’d know what I was talking about.), but I think calling it such a thing is fairly short sighted.  People on your planet seem to do this ALL the time.  Apparently, if a helmet is full faced, you all scream “Stormtrooper!!” and run for the hills. 

This helmet looks nothing like the bucket I have protecting my perfect face.  In fact, I’d say that a closer Sci-Fi based description would be the love child of a Mobile Suit Gundam and The Guyver.  Regardless, it’s a nifty design and will add much, much street cred to anyone wearing this while out on your nightly ride through the park to burn off those unwanted pounds.  Of course, those flightly little bike shorts have already sucked all the cool out of you already, so you’re likely to just look like a nut.

Have at, but don’t blame ME because you look so damned silly.

For more about this little piece of birth control, follow THIS LINK

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As I’m sure everyone noticed, Real life caught up with Mr. BortQ, so he had to take a break for a bit, but he’s come back swingin’!

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You know, when Spock said “Live Long..”  I thought he meant something else all these years. 

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